What do you mean by a divorce?
Divorce, well a divorce happens after a husband and wife agrees to seperate their ways through legally. A divorce happens when the husband and wife decides that they do not longer want to live together anymore. Divorce takes place when both the partners fight over everything since several years and realise that they are not happy with each other. Divorce also takes place when there is a lot of physical abuse and mental torture. At times, it is a mutual agreement of divorce where the husband and wife mutually agrees to seperate their ways. But at certain times, this is not the case. A divorce can also happen when either one of the partner is cheating or having an extra marrital affair and wishes to end their marriage, then the other partner willingly or unwillingly has to accept the divorce without any other choice.Divorce grants permission to get free from the marriages and also access to marry whomsoever they want to.
At present, divorces are very common. Most of the marriages do not work due to some or the other issues. Some divorces are bitter, some divorces are on mutual basis, some divorces ruins the families. Every one has their different reasons for divorces.
Divorces is not just between two persons i.e a wife and a husband. The people associated with them are also affected be it their childrens if any, elders of the family, wife’s family, etc. It is hard for everyone.
How divorce affects the mental health of kids?
The most affected by the divorces are the kids. If the divorce is mutual and the kids are happy about it too, then there isn’t any issue about it. But, what if the divorce isn’t mutual? What if the marriage ended on bad terms? What if the kids weren’t ready about it? What if the kids never expected that one day their parents would get divorced? What if they were always kept in a happy family zone? What if they never knew that their parents were never happy with each other?
The kids when in their teenagers or are at the age when they have the ability to understand things are affected mentally because of their parents divorce. The marriage that ends on bad terms affects the mental health of not only the husband and his wife but also their kids.The whole family suffers due to the divorce between two people. It breaks the reality of their ‘complete happy family’ which they will never get again. Their mind is full of thoughts and confusion at the stage when they get to know that their parents would soon be seperated and they have to choose one of them.
They have to choose and stay with one person. If the kids are below 18 years of age, the legal custody of them is decided by the parents as per their convenience. And if above 18, then they are free to live as per their wishes.
The most difficult task for the kids is to choose between their parents, they never thought that such situation would ever arise in front of them. They face a dilemma whether to choose their dad or mom.
Its really hard to choose one. Still, they have to. Their mind keeps on thinking that they have to stay with one person from now onwards; either mom or either dad. One person would leave the house and they would never get to spend time again with their mom and dad together. This is the one scenario where only one parent has the sole custody of the kids. Another scenario can be where both the partners decide to take up the joint custody of their kids. And the third scenario could be where the grandparents or somebody other than the parents take the custody of the kids.
The kids get affected by all these. Not only kids below 18 years of age but also adult children i.e above 18 years of age; who experience the seperation of their parents. They get devastated, broken and hurt. They get depressed due to this. The divorce of their parents damages them from internally which they never heal resulting into trust issues.
Some hide their pain and sadness from their parents and act normal that they are ‘okay’ with them being divorced. But, the truth is that they are not okay. The pain, it stays with them for a longer time. They do not get over it. They find it difficult to accept the fact that their family would never be the same. They get lost and get detached from their parents.
They feel lost and take wrong steps and start indulging in wrong things. They feel there is no one to understand them now. They feel that they would never get a complete family now. The pain is there. The pain of not having a complete family ever.
Some kids start failing in their exams, some get silent, some get depressed, some become rude. Many kids or adult children start dating in search of love and gets ended up with wrong persons. Many indulges in smokings, drugs or alcohols. They feel this is the best solution to overcome this. But no. Nothing fills that pain or void in their hearts.
They always see other’s happy families and get sad because they can’t have ever one like them. They feel that their mom dad would never love them the same the way they did earlier. Their happy family gets broken.
Believe it or not, kids do get affected and start harming themselves. And the sad part is that they never heal from this. It remains with them till forever.
Before anyone else, they get hurt by their families. They think it is their fault that something like this happened with them.
The divorce of the parents directly or indirectly do affects the relationships of their children with others. They develop trust issues, fear of getting hurt by anyone, fear of getting close to anyone because eventually they would leave them. They start hiding their pain as they think no one can understand the pain they are dealing with. They feel lonely. Sometimes, even sucidial thoughts do come in their mind. They need love and support but they never find it. They fear of getting attached to anyone.
It is a lifelong grief or sadness that doesn’t goes out of their minds or hearts completely. The divorce changes them mentally so much that they change into a completely different person that they weren’t.
Parental ‘divorce’ can never be ‘over’ for the child. It stays forever. Lucky are those who have a complete family. Parental divorce ruins everything for the children.